Monthly Archives: January 2012

Online Dating or Conventional Dating, What’s Your Choice?

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Its no gainsaying today that online dating is the in-thing. Job pressure and busy schedule are contributing factors to lack of physical social networking today. Therefore a lot of people have resolved to online dating to bridge the gap. The question is to what extent would you go to to get a date?

Men and women use dating sites to find love and relationship but some dating sites are more of escort service and the question is would you rather hook up with a dating site as opposed to conventional dating?

There are mixed feelings and diverse opinions about online dating. Just like anything else involved with dating, it has its pros and cons. As opposed to conventional dating, you never get to meet your date beforehand, all you rely on is the image posted on the profile which could be genuine or doctored to lure a ‘would-be’. I read of an instance where a lady subscribed to a dating site and found a very dashing young man’s picture profile, she read all about him and felt they were good match. He is based in the US and she lives in Africa. Ironically, the guy deliberately left out the fact that he is physically challenged. They kept exchanging mails and online chat and gradually got really close. After a couple of months, she got an invite to visit him in the US and realized she had been lied to. That’s the extent an online dating could go sometimes if you don’t do your homework properly.

In another instance I have heard of people who got swindled in the name of love on online dates. The People’s Court is one avenue to learn the reality of frauds on online dating. They drag themselves to court when reality dawns on them that they have been lied to or swindled.

The question here is what happened to the good old conventional way of meeting dates like the work place, church, bus station or college? Does it still work for us today? A thumb of rule says you can detect lies through eye contact and I believe this helps in face to face dating than online dating. Its so easy to hide behind technology and get away with deception. Nevertheless, some have been lucky to have beautiful relationship leading to marriage through online dating. It actually depends on how serious you do your home work and dig deep into your online date, chat on skype, at least to put a face to the name. In as much as extra precaution is needed in conventional dating more caution should be excised for online dating because its more of a gamble than the face to face date.

To help guide your decision, here are a few tips to consider before choosing your online date:

Background Check: If you are really serious about a long term relationship through online date, be sure to register with a legitimate dating site. Run a background check on your chosen date. Take the extra mile to verify the authenticity of the profile posted.

Keep your personal information: The world of technology today is like an open book. The more information you reveal to the world, the more of a victim you become and you may be an easy prey for fraudsters. Until you are sure of whom you are dealing with, keep you private information to yourself.

Ask Questions: Ask your chosen dates about personal family background before committing to any online relationship; parents, siblings, friends or associates. You can never ask enough about this and if your chosen date is legit, he’d be willing to bare it all. Also follow up on this information to verify the authenticity, call any of the contacts. Its better to get hurt knowing the truth in the beginning than realizing the truth later on.

Confide in someone: When going on your first physical date, confide in someone close to you. Let him or her know your where about, your meeting point and location. This is just a precaution in case anything goes wrong, bet you don’t want to be a victim of Craigslist killer. Remember, a stitch in time saves nine!

Steps To Rekindle The Spark In Your Relationship

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Is your long-term relationship or marriage teetering on the brink of break up?

Do you live under the same roof with your spouse like two estranged partners and now you have no idea how you can turn things around? It absolutely doesn’t matter who started the fight and whose fault it is, right now you want to get him/her back and you can do it. I want to share a few tips with you on how you can get your loved one back into your arms!

1. Genesis: Reflect on how it all started, make notes of the causes, think of solutions and be willing to discuss it maturely.

2. Avoid argument: Even when you think you are right, let peace reign by listening more and saying less. Men love to be seen to be in control especially in the heat of an argument, consent there and then but find a more convenient time and avenue to further discuss the matter when tension might have died down. You will be amazed at the result.

3. You are not the same person I married: Remember it takes two to tango. Both of you will undergo changes in the course of the relationship. The success of every marriage depends on the partied involved, have it at the back of your mind that you cannot totally change your spouse no matter how hard you try. On the contrary, you both need to work on improving the status quo. Think back to the early days of the relationship and recapture those sweet moments, picture the image of that same person you married, the way you are now and find the missing link and improve on it. Whatever gave you the kick then than still be worked on.

4. Great Expectation: You probably expect too much from your spouse. You were looking forward to a perfect relationship where none existed. Every relationship has its own limitations. Come to think of it, we really can’t love everything about ourselves as individuals, we simply turn the other eye to our negative sides and try to work on it if we choose to while we project our positives. The same applies to our relationships, it’s all about management. You should be able to accommodate and look for a middle course rather than expecting too much that will constantly put you at loggerheads.
However, let your spouse know what he/she is not doing right without necessarily rubbing it in. Be matured about it without hurting his/her pride.

4. Accept your mistakes: Don’t always be on the defensive. Learn to accept your mistakes and strive to make a change. Make conscientious effort to work at correcting it even when its difficult for you. Remember your objective is to restore the shine in your life and be happy. Just remain humble!

5. Intimacy: The bedroom is the center of intimate activities. A lot goes on behind closed doors that remains strictly between couples. Excitement and romance are two key essentials in a relationship; a tense atmosphere cannot generate these two, avoid it if you can. Create sensation within the home, splash lovely perfume on your body before bedtime, put on a lovely lingerie, spread chocolate on your spouse and lick it off slowly (men crave for these outside so why not give him and let him scream for more). Try to fish out your soft spots and make the best of it. Remember, we all love adventure of any sort. Be creative!

6. Don’t compare: You had your choices before hooking up with your spouse, don’t wallow in regrets. Remember Beauty and the Beast? ‘I wish I had known’ could be very destructive to a relationship and for as long as you still chose to remain together forever, don’t over-flog your spouse’s weak points or personal attributes. Beauty, they say, is in the eye of the beholder. You have the beast already, why not turn him/her to your angel. Happiness comes from within. You can make your spouse into that admirable creature you envy so much, where there’s a will, there’s way; invest in your happiness and you’d be better off for it.

7. Bonding: Be a family and not a living partner. Children may come into a relationship and gradually create gaps if care is not taken. Draw a line between your love for your husband and that of your children, don’t knock heads! Let the children know they cannot take your spouse’s place while your spouse cannot take their place. It’s all about understanding. Don’t spite your spouse to please your children or vice-versa, it sows discord. Remember you are one big happy family!

6 Steps To Deal With a Jealous Partner

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Jealousy could be a major reason for an unhappy relationship full of despise and hatred.

We all experience jealousy at one point or the other even within the nuclear family and especially in our love lives.Jealousy can bring relationship to an end before it started if not properly managed.

Jealousy could lead to an unpleasant experience for the chronically jealous partner who often misinterprete innocent actions. Avoid negative thoughts and doubts unless you have no confidence in your relationship or you simply do not trust your partner.

Learn to be disciplined enough to deal with jealousy maturely by taking the following steps to deal with your jealous partner.

1. Self Examination: Why do you often get jealous? You need to identify the cause that triggers your jealous attitude for you to be able to deal with it effectively. Think of a past scenario and examine what, if and why.

2. Emotional Outburst: Are you hot tempered or you simply pent up your emotions? Do you read meanings into every action and bottle them up for the doom’s day?
You need to learn how to manage your emotions to avoid unnecessary suspicion.Communication is the key word no matter how tough the issue is. Discuss like matured adults and not overgrown babies.

3. Do Not Assume: Assumption could wear the red label that triggers the gun powder.Always get to the root of matters before taking action. Get all necessary information before raising the dust. The ability to carry out research and look into why your partner took certain action and decisions would help to determine if your jealousy is warranted or baseless.

4. Forget Your Ego: We all have ego that can rear its ugly head sometimes but you have to ensure that you do not allow your ego to becloud your sense of reasoning. Your partner may express innocent appreciation of the opposite sex or a more successful friend or pal. Do not feel deflated, have confidence in yourself and walk tall, don’t stoop.

5. Do Not Create Avenue for Suspicion: Avoid cozy chats with the opposite sex especially when your spouse or partner is with you, its a tell tale sign and shows disrespect for the relationship at hand.
Watch out for text messages that can upsurge your relationship.
Avoid tell tale signs that can give you away and makes you tongue twisted like lipstick stains, love notes in the jacket or wallet, hotel bills for a weekend escapade, sexy gifts and many more.

6. Communication: Essentially the key to a jealous free relationship is Communication. Lay your cards on the table and avoid discreet affairs. Communication is the major driving force in any relationship. Talk about anything and everything. Avoid keeping ‘criminal silence'(as coined by my husband)over any suspicious matter. You may just be worsening the situation. Above all, both partners need be reasonable in dealing with jealous issues or any family issues at all.Do not give room for rumor mongers.

Food For Thought

Always remember that jealousy could be healthy in a relationship if properly managed and it could be a waste of precious moments if otherwise mismanaged.

It’s okay to let emotions fly once in a while but wouldn’t you rather savor fun filled relationship than watch over each other’s shoulders for tell tale signs?

Just learn to appreciate and respect one another and you are on the path to a blissful relationship.