Do you live under the same roof with your spouse like two estranged partners and now you have no idea how you can turn things around? It absolutely doesn’t matter who started the fight and whose fault it is, right now you want to get him/her back and you can do it. I want to share a few tips with you on how you can get your loved one back into your arms!
1. Genesis: Reflect on how it all started, make notes of the causes, think of solutions and be willing to discuss it maturely.
2. Avoid argument: Even when you think you are right, let peace reign by listening more and saying less. Men love to be seen to be in control especially in the heat of an argument, consent there and then but find a more convenient time and avenue to further discuss the matter when tension might have died down. You will be amazed at the result.
3. You are not the same person I married: Remember it takes two to tango. Both of you will undergo changes in the course of the relationship. The success of every marriage depends on the partied involved, have it at the back of your mind that you cannot totally change your spouse no matter how hard you try. On the contrary, you both need to work on improving the status quo. Think back to the early days of the relationship and recapture those sweet moments, picture the image of that same person you married, the way you are now and find the missing link and improve on it. Whatever gave you the kick then than still be worked on.
4. Great Expectation: You probably expect too much from your spouse. You were looking forward to a perfect relationship where none existed. Every relationship has its own limitations. Come to think of it, we really can’t love everything about ourselves as individuals, we simply turn the other eye to our negative sides and try to work on it if we choose to while we project our positives. The same applies to our relationships, it’s all about management. You should be able to accommodate and look for a middle course rather than expecting too much that will constantly put you at loggerheads.
However, let your spouse know what he/she is not doing right without necessarily rubbing it in. Be matured about it without hurting his/her pride.
4. Accept your mistakes: Don’t always be on the defensive. Learn to accept your mistakes and strive to make a change. Make conscientious effort to work at correcting it even when its difficult for you. Remember your objective is to restore the shine in your life and be happy. Just remain humble!
5. Intimacy: The bedroom is the center of intimate activities. A lot goes on behind closed doors that remains strictly between couples. Excitement and romance are two key essentials in a relationship; a tense atmosphere cannot generate these two, avoid it if you can. Create sensation within the home, splash lovely perfume on your body before bedtime, put on a lovely lingerie, spread chocolate on your spouse and lick it off slowly (men crave for these outside so why not give him and let him scream for more). Try to fish out your soft spots and make the best of it. Remember, we all love adventure of any sort. Be creative!
6. Don’t compare: You had your choices before hooking up with your spouse, don’t wallow in regrets. Remember Beauty and the Beast? ‘I wish I had known’ could be very destructive to a relationship and for as long as you still chose to remain together forever, don’t over-flog your spouse’s weak points or personal attributes. Beauty, they say, is in the eye of the beholder. You have the beast already, why not turn him/her to your angel. Happiness comes from within. You can make your spouse into that admirable creature you envy so much, where there’s a will, there’s way; invest in your happiness and you’d be better off for it.
7. Bonding: Be a family and not a living partner. Children may come into a relationship and gradually create gaps if care is not taken. Draw a line between your love for your husband and that of your children, don’t knock heads! Let the children know they cannot take your spouse’s place while your spouse cannot take their place. It’s all about understanding. Don’t spite your spouse to please your children or vice-versa, it sows discord. Remember you are one big happy family!