Daily Archives: January 4, 2012

Steps To Rekindle The Spark In Your Relationship

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Is your long-term relationship or marriage teetering on the brink of break up?

Do you live under the same roof with your spouse like two estranged partners and now you have no idea how you can turn things around? It absolutely doesn’t matter who started the fight and whose fault it is, right now you want to get him/her back and you can do it. I want to share a few tips with you on how you can get your loved one back into your arms!

1. Genesis: Reflect on how it all started, make notes of the causes, think of solutions and be willing to discuss it maturely.

2. Avoid argument: Even when you think you are right, let peace reign by listening more and saying less. Men love to be seen to be in control especially in the heat of an argument, consent there and then but find a more convenient time and avenue to further discuss the matter when tension might have died down. You will be amazed at the result.

3. You are not the same person I married: Remember it takes two to tango. Both of you will undergo changes in the course of the relationship. The success of every marriage depends on the partied involved, have it at the back of your mind that you cannot totally change your spouse no matter how hard you try. On the contrary, you both need to work on improving the status quo. Think back to the early days of the relationship and recapture those sweet moments, picture the image of that same person you married, the way you are now and find the missing link and improve on it. Whatever gave you the kick then than still be worked on.

4. Great Expectation: You probably expect too much from your spouse. You were looking forward to a perfect relationship where none existed. Every relationship has its own limitations. Come to think of it, we really can’t love everything about ourselves as individuals, we simply turn the other eye to our negative sides and try to work on it if we choose to while we project our positives. The same applies to our relationships, it’s all about management. You should be able to accommodate and look for a middle course rather than expecting too much that will constantly put you at loggerheads.
However, let your spouse know what he/she is not doing right without necessarily rubbing it in. Be matured about it without hurting his/her pride.

4. Accept your mistakes: Don’t always be on the defensive. Learn to accept your mistakes and strive to make a change. Make conscientious effort to work at correcting it even when its difficult for you. Remember your objective is to restore the shine in your life and be happy. Just remain humble!

5. Intimacy: The bedroom is the center of intimate activities. A lot goes on behind closed doors that remains strictly between couples. Excitement and romance are two key essentials in a relationship; a tense atmosphere cannot generate these two, avoid it if you can. Create sensation within the home, splash lovely perfume on your body before bedtime, put on a lovely lingerie, spread chocolate on your spouse and lick it off slowly (men crave for these outside so why not give him and let him scream for more). Try to fish out your soft spots and make the best of it. Remember, we all love adventure of any sort. Be creative!

6. Don’t compare: You had your choices before hooking up with your spouse, don’t wallow in regrets. Remember Beauty and the Beast? ‘I wish I had known’ could be very destructive to a relationship and for as long as you still chose to remain together forever, don’t over-flog your spouse’s weak points or personal attributes. Beauty, they say, is in the eye of the beholder. You have the beast already, why not turn him/her to your angel. Happiness comes from within. You can make your spouse into that admirable creature you envy so much, where there’s a will, there’s way; invest in your happiness and you’d be better off for it.

7. Bonding: Be a family and not a living partner. Children may come into a relationship and gradually create gaps if care is not taken. Draw a line between your love for your husband and that of your children, don’t knock heads! Let the children know they cannot take your spouse’s place while your spouse cannot take their place. It’s all about understanding. Don’t spite your spouse to please your children or vice-versa, it sows discord. Remember you are one big happy family!

6 Steps To Deal With a Jealous Partner

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Jealousy could be a major reason for an unhappy relationship full of despise and hatred.

We all experience jealousy at one point or the other even within the nuclear family and especially in our love lives.Jealousy can bring relationship to an end before it started if not properly managed.

Jealousy could lead to an unpleasant experience for the chronically jealous partner who often misinterprete innocent actions. Avoid negative thoughts and doubts unless you have no confidence in your relationship or you simply do not trust your partner.

Learn to be disciplined enough to deal with jealousy maturely by taking the following steps to deal with your jealous partner.

1. Self Examination: Why do you often get jealous? You need to identify the cause that triggers your jealous attitude for you to be able to deal with it effectively. Think of a past scenario and examine what, if and why.

2. Emotional Outburst: Are you hot tempered or you simply pent up your emotions? Do you read meanings into every action and bottle them up for the doom’s day?
You need to learn how to manage your emotions to avoid unnecessary suspicion.Communication is the key word no matter how tough the issue is. Discuss like matured adults and not overgrown babies.

3. Do Not Assume: Assumption could wear the red label that triggers the gun powder.Always get to the root of matters before taking action. Get all necessary information before raising the dust. The ability to carry out research and look into why your partner took certain action and decisions would help to determine if your jealousy is warranted or baseless.

4. Forget Your Ego: We all have ego that can rear its ugly head sometimes but you have to ensure that you do not allow your ego to becloud your sense of reasoning. Your partner may express innocent appreciation of the opposite sex or a more successful friend or pal. Do not feel deflated, have confidence in yourself and walk tall, don’t stoop.

5. Do Not Create Avenue for Suspicion: Avoid cozy chats with the opposite sex especially when your spouse or partner is with you, its a tell tale sign and shows disrespect for the relationship at hand.
Watch out for text messages that can upsurge your relationship.
Avoid tell tale signs that can give you away and makes you tongue twisted like lipstick stains, love notes in the jacket or wallet, hotel bills for a weekend escapade, sexy gifts and many more.

6. Communication: Essentially the key to a jealous free relationship is Communication. Lay your cards on the table and avoid discreet affairs. Communication is the major driving force in any relationship. Talk about anything and everything. Avoid keeping ‘criminal silence'(as coined by my husband)over any suspicious matter. You may just be worsening the situation. Above all, both partners need be reasonable in dealing with jealous issues or any family issues at all.Do not give room for rumor mongers.

Food For Thought

Always remember that jealousy could be healthy in a relationship if properly managed and it could be a waste of precious moments if otherwise mismanaged.

It’s okay to let emotions fly once in a while but wouldn’t you rather savor fun filled relationship than watch over each other’s shoulders for tell tale signs?

Just learn to appreciate and respect one another and you are on the path to a blissful relationship.